LOVE: a “very demanding mistress"

Many relationships that seemed strong at the 

beginning are falling apart when the “good times”   

leave and the “bad times” come.

God promises to “give you divine strength in hard times and to be always faithful to you. God cannot be unfaithful and so you can be utterly certain that he will always be by your side, ready and eager to give you whatever you need along the road you will travel together.

True love is not an emotion or feeling that flees during the bad times, but it is a choice rooted in the grace that came when the relationship started.

So, what does it mean to love one another? It means self-sacrifice and self-donation. It means giving yourself to the other with no conditions, no strings attached and even where this incurs suffering.

“Some relationships have the attitude of ‘I will love you so long as you love me.’ That is the wrong sentiment. The true Christian stance should be ‘I will love you always, even if you do not love me back.’ My love for you is not a faucet which I can turn on and off. It is an immutable fact, and you 

can totally trust in that.”

“Other relationships say, ‘I will love you as long as you meet my needs.’  Well, that is hardly love at all. It is totally conditional, and the bottom line is, of course, that no human being can meet all of your needs all of the time and you can’t either."

Love means serving one another. And, to do that well it means exploring each other as persons, discovering what makes your other happy and content, knowing what makes him or her unhappy or sad or even irritable and then setting about the holy task of serving with your special talents. Do everything for the other which is pleasing and as much as you can avoid that which is displeasing.

A test of true love is a “willingness to lay down your life for one another; which could happen in two ways.

The first way is in the day-to-day routine of life, dying to self for the sake of the other in all kinds of little ways, giving up your immediate needs in the interest of your partner.

The second way is not the likeliest, but who knows what the Holy Spirit may ask of you, and that is to actually risk and even lose your life in order to save the other. The first way is the white martyrdom of day-to-day living. The second way is the red martyrdom, which guarantees instant entry into heaven.

McDonald calls love a “very demanding mistress.” “She demands everything you’ve got in donating your all to your partner.”

Love: always ready for benefit of Doubt.

Love is not deceived . . . but it is always

ready to give the benefit of the doubt.

            Thomas Inman, in the 19th century, recommended that his fellow doctors not prescribe a medicine for a cure if they weren’t sure it would work. They were to give the patient “the benefit of our doubts.” This phrase is also a legal term meaning that if a jury has conflicting evidence that makes the jurors doubtful, they are to give the verdict of “not guilty.”

           

Perhaps as human persons, we can learn from and apply this medical and legal phrase to our relationships. Better yet, we can learn from the Bible about giving the benefit of the doubt to others. First Corinthians 13:7 says that love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.”

            Leon Morris, in the Tyndale New Testament Commentaries, says this about the phrase “believes all things”: “To see the best in others . . . . This does not mean that love is gullible, but that it does not think the worst (as is the way of the world). It retains its faith. Love is not deceived . . . but it is always ready to give the benefit of the doubt.”

            When we hear something negative about others or we’re suspicious about the motive for their actions, let’s stop before we judge their intentions as wrong or bad. Let’s give them the benefit of the doubt.

-MMM-

Choice: the heart of Friendship.

            A faithful friend is an elixir of life,

a sturdy shelter and a treasure.

We all know from our experience that one of the great blessings in life is friendship. We value our friends deeply. We are very aware that our lives would be the poorer without them.

            One of the books of the Old Testament, from which we don’t often read, the Book of Sirach, has some very striking things to say about friendship. It was written about one hundred and eighty years before the birth of Jesus. It is clearly written by someone who knew the value of friendship in his own life. At one point, the author says the following about friendship: ‘a faithful friend is a sturdy shelter: whoever has found one has found a treasure. There is nothing so precious as a faithful friend, and no scales can measure their excellence. A faithful friend is an elixir of life; and those who fear the Lord will find one’. The image of a faithful friend as a sturdy shelter, as a treasure, rings true to all our experience.

            It is difficult to say how or why friendships happen. There was a very well known book written by Norman Vincent Peale, ‘How to make friends and influence people’. However, there is only so much any of us can do to make a friendship happen, because, as we know, a friendship has to be mutual. I may want to be someone’s friend, but unless that person wants to be my friend, the friendship won’t come to pass. Friendships happen when two people chose each other as friends. If I chose someone as a friend, I need that person to chose me as their friend for the friendship to come to pass.

            Choice is at the heart of friendship, the choice of two people for each other. One of the more painful experiences of life is when the choice I make to befriend someone is not reciprocated by that person.

-MMM-

Motivation: Keep rolling the boat...

My Mom used to cook beans,  but before she cooks the beans, she picks the bad and useless beans and throw them at the backyard whilst she cook the good beans. 

But when it rains, the bad beans becomes seed and grows up and looks beautiful. 

The same person who threw them away starts to harvest them. She realizes that the beans she threw away has *VALUE* . 

Don't cry when people *THROW* you at the *BACKYARD* , Don't cry when people *REJECTS* you, Don't cry while they are *LOOKING DOWN* on you.

 The *RAIN* is coming and the same people who are *REJECTING* you today will beg to *HARVEST* you tomorrow.

 

 

SELFISH RELATIONSHIP: Common signs and indications.

“In an individual, selfishness uglifies the soul; 

for the human species, selfishness is extinction.” 

 ~ David Mitchell, Cloud Atlas

1. Your partner is always nagging and belittling you.

There is a difference between someone pushing and pulling you to reach your goals with a cheerleader personality, and another making you feel worthless. A selfish person will never take your needs into consideration. They will do anything possible to make you feel worthless so that things are always about them. The focus can only be on what they are accomplishing. If you find yourself giving and never receiving this is the imbalance of a selfish relationship. Psychologist Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, writes: “Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others, our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection – or compassionate action.” A relationship that is one-sided cannot flourish.

2. Your partner believes that what he or she does is more important.

Selfish people do not waste their energies considering the needs of another, even those of a life partner. They want what they want and believe that they have the right to put themselves first. There is a difference between self-love and being selfish. This behaviour is a form of betrayal. If you don’t stand up for what you want your partner doesn’t feel the need or desire to stand up for what you desire either. You must show your worthiness and love in order to combat any selfish behaviour in a relationship. A selfish behaviour that is repetitively present is emotionally draining and toxic. It’s unhealthy. You begin to put yourself second and eventually any respect will disappear from the relationship.

3. Your partner is competitive and insecure.

There is an extra entity in your relationship and it is a green-eye monster called Jealousy. A person who is always trying to outsmart or be better than his/her counterpart is an insecure person with a severe degree of selfishness. If your partner is envious of you it is because you have something he/she doesn’t have and they know it. In a healthy relationship both people growth while bringing out the best of each other." Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy – in fact, they are almost incompatible; one emotion hardly leaves room for the other.” ~ Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land

4. Your partner doesn’t apologize.

This is a big one! If your partner can’t say “I am sorry” when they have done something offensive or hurtful, it’s a sign that they might suffer from a narcissistic disorder. Moral values do not exist in this psychological disorder. The narcissist doesn’t know resentment or wrongdoing. It’s all about them. You are not important enough to stop them from seeing their mistakes. One selfish soul in a relationship diminishes the ability to love fully with joy. If your partner is driven by an egotistical nature that never regrets anything, you have a selfish soul in your presence.

No relationship is perfect, but when there is no consideration, respect or trust, it can become an abusive partnership. You are the only who can decipher if a little selfishness is good, or if it borders on narcissism. Self-love and self-worth exist in loving and healthy relationships.

Ref: https://www.powerofpositivity.com/

ABOUT AFRICA - If we don’t define ourselves, others will define us

A story is told of a certain zoo somewhere in Africa. In this zoo, there are many beautiful animals. Environment is wonderful. But, as you go through the door of the zoo, the first cage that you see has got a monkey in it, and that monkey is doing masturbation.  And it does the business all day. So, when the people come into this zoo, the first thing they see is this monkey doing its business. And they are actually so engrossed by what it’s doing. They don’t want to go any further. And they never get to see the wonderful animals. And they never get to see the wonderful environment that this zoo has. And when they leave, they go back and they tell their friends about the monkey and what it’s doing.

So their friends come and they don’t go any further. They stop and they look at the monkey. This story could be compared to Africa.  It is a continent with a wealth of beauty, but this beauty is hardly brought to the screen by the media.  It’s ignored. For years, Mother Africa has been disfigured as a dark continent with litany of evils. She has been stereotyped as a continent synonymous to war (slaughter-fields) corruption, hunger, drugs, Malaria zone, incompetence and illiteracy. Some people have even considered Africa as a one country. A friend of mine working as a missionary in Bogota surprised me when he told me that some people  in  that  city  considered  Africa  as  a  one  country  run  by  President Mandela. This is ignorance.

The continent of Africa is one of the richest in terms of the natural resources. Mother  Africa  has  platinum,  gold,  oil,  gas,  and fertile  soil,  rare  breeds  of wildlife, awesome weather, excellent brains and talents. She can take care of the whole world if managed properly.  This Mother is able to feed everyone, without harming herself.  Unfortunately, pollution and exploitation of our environment in the name of building better economies, is massive.

Africa is a ‘Canaan, flowing with milk and honey’. She has water bodies that could generate large amount of power.  River Congo alone can supply Africa with all the power that she needs. In fact, its power could even be exported West as a surplus, and remodel the Africa’s distorted image. What about Indian Ocean and the Atlantic Ocean? Is it only good for outing or place to relax in those warm beaches? Definitely not. Their tides could be tapped to generate clean electricity. Oceans could be harnessed for the eco-friendly energy. What is needed is to “put politics aside” and get to the business of making our Africa shine. Great Britain, Denmark, France and Germany get their electricity from ocean tides and currents. Needless to mention is the wind and sunshine that is waiting to be utilized.

If we don’t define ourselves, others will define us.  We all have a noble responsibility to fight this unjust stereotyping that has killed our self-esteem as Africans. It will not be easy to kill this mindset that West has planted. We need to tell ourselves that there is no country that doesn’t have problems. We need to show them that Africans are not the sad, hungry looking folks as normally depicted in the media.  We can do this if we live the philosophy of Ubuntu. When  famine  struck  East  Africa  region,  Kenyans  organized ‘Harambees’(fundraising) and other countries like South Africa came in to give a genuine help. Is this not the beauty in our continent that west hardly sees?

We need to rediscover African values that will reshape our Mother. Pope Benedict in Africae Munus calls Africa a spiritual Lung of humanity. True! It’s indeed a lung that will breathe African values that promotes family unity, love of the neighbor, and hospitality. Charity begins at home. The possibility of  having healthy lungs breathing African values will be determined by how well we  raise  our  children,  how well  we  form couples,  and  how well  we  form Religious people.

 Together Let us arise and build a new Africa that all will be proud of.

Scritto da Anthony Gathambiri.

The "Desert University"

"The desert is the university where God teaches His people".

A mother camel and her baby are talking one day and the baby camel asks, “Mom why have we got these huge three-toed feet?” The mother replies, “To enable us trek across the soft sand of the desert without sinking.” “And why have we got these long, heavy eyelashes?” “To keep the sand out of our eyes on the trips through the desert ”replies the mother camel. “And Mom, why have we got these big humps on our backs?” The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies, “They are there to help us store fat for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without water for long periods.” “OK, I get it!” says the baby camel, “We have huge feet to stop us sinking, long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and humps to store water. Then, Mom, why the heck are we here in the Toronto zoo?” Modern life sometimes makes one feel like a camel in a zoo.

And like camels in a zoo we need sometimes to go into the desert in order to discover who we truly are. Lent invites us to enter into this kind of desert experience. In the desert we leave most of these voices behind to focus on distinguishing between the guiding voice of God and the tempting voice of Satan. The desert is the university where God teaches His people.

By MMM

Wisdom of the Timid...

The timid ones with their silent characteristics are the wisest, for in silence the truth is told. «Do you know what charm is? It is to hear a yes as an answer without having asked anything. The sad ones have two reasons for being so: they ignore or expect. True generosity towards the future consists in giving everything in the present. I love life, so true that I have no imagination for what is not life. There is no generous love other than that which is both transient and singular. The characteristic of the absurd man is to not believe in the deep meaning of things. He trespasses, stores and burns the warm or charming faces of the world. Time walks with him. The absurd man is the one who does not separate himself from time.

Information...

"More information is always better than less. When people know the reason things are happening, even if it's bad news, they can adjust their expectations and react accordingly. Keeping people in the dark only serves to stir negative emotions" 

 Simon Sinek