Not only ten (10) but 613 Commandments.

The Hebrew word translated “Law” in the Old Testament is Torah. The Encyclopaedia Judaica says of this word, “Torah is derived from the root vrh which in the hifil conjugation means ‘to teach’ (cf. Lev.10:11). The meaning of the word is therefore ‘teaching,’ ‘doctrine,’ or ‘instruction’; the commonly accepted ‘law’ gives a wrong impression. The word is used in different ways but the underlying idea of ‘teaching’ is common to all” (“Torah”).

            According to an ancient tradition, the Torah existed in heaven even before the world was created. The concept of the pre-existence of the Torah is shown in the works of Philo, a Jewish philosopher in Alexandria, Egypt, who lived during the time of the apostle Peter. He wrote of the pre-eminence of the Word of God (the Logos) and identified it with the Torah.

            There are a whole lot more than only 10 Commandments found in the Old Testament, there are 613 Commandments! In studying the Torah, the Five Books of Moses, intensely, the Jewish Rabbis have found a total of 613 laws and commandments given to Israel. We read in the Talmud, the compendium of ancient Jewish religious knowledge and history: Says Rabbi Simlai: “Six hundred and thirteen commandments were transmitted to Moses on Mount Sinai. Three hundred and sixty five of them are negative commandments [prohibitions], corresponding to the number of days in the solar year. The remaining two hundred and forty eight and positive commandments [i.e.. injunctions], corresponding to the number of limbs in the human body” (Makkot 23, Judaism, Arthur Hertzberg, page 86).

            In Celebrate! The Complete Jewish Holidays Handbook, by Lesli Koppelman Ross, we read that at Mt. Sinai the Ten Commandments were followed up by 603 other laws, both ethical and ritual, that encompassed a total of 613 mitzvot and commands. The author states, “The 248 positive mitzvoth were said to correspond to what the rabbis believed were the number of bones in the body, and the 365 negative mitzvot were said to correspond to the days of the year. Together they suggest that we devote every part of our bodies, every day of our lives, to following God’s Word”.

            Therefore, there are both "positive" and "negative" mitzvot (do's and don'ts) which can be divided into 365 Negative Mitzvot (to remind us not to do bad things every day of the year) plus 248 Positive Mitzvot (the number of bones in the human body - for a total of 613. In this way, Hebrews and Jewish people are able to obey the mitzvot with their entire body. (mitzvot is plural, mitzvah is singular).

            The Law is God’s Divine Instructions in Righteousness without which man would have NO blueprint for moral, holy living. Jesus Christ attempted to abolish the rabbinical, man-made opinions and traditions that kept people in bondage. Neither He nor His apostles ever spoke against the Law nor suggested that after Jesus’ death the Torah was to become null and void. The Apostle Paul said, “Do we then nullify the Law through faith? May it never be! On the contrary, we establish the Law.” (Romans 3:31)

            Where does one find those original 613 commandments? They come straight from the Torah. You can see them sprinkled throughout the Torah in places such as Gen 26:2-5; Ex 15:25-27; Ex 16; Ex 20:6; Lev 22, 26, 27; Num 15, 36; Deut 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 10, 11, 13, 26, 27, 28, 30, 31. There are more, but you get the picture. Here is the whole list of them:

Conflicts, pain and suffering

Many things can go wrong in a relationship because the mechanism of support is not a very efficient one and each test comes at a different level.

The simplest test is when one person is experiencing pain (that is outside the relationship) and he/she shares it with you. For example, something unpleasant happens to you at work and you go home and share it with your family during dinnertime. You talk about a colleague or a service person who was rude. It has nothing to do with them and passes no judgment on your family.

The second level test is when each person in the relationship is experiencing their own pain, external to the relationship. For example, one person has had a bad day at school and the other was extremely worried because he had financial difficulties which were occupying all of his mental space. In this situation, both people in the relationship shift their focus from the pain they are experiencing to an "accounting" frame of mind, "My pain is more important than yours". They compete for "stage time".

The third level test is when both people are experiencing a common pain. For example, both X and Y lost a child, so they are both in pain. They have a common pain so each of them lacks the emotional capacity to help the other. In such situations, a third person is a must in order to help. There is an added risk of experiencing the pain of not being able to support someone you love.

The forth level test is when one person is experiencing pain that is the "fault" of the listener/other person. For example, I am angry and upset with my child and I expect them to give me empathy, sympathy and compassion to deal with my pain. This request leaves no place for empathy, because the other person cannot understand your point of view (that they were wrong). It leaves no place for sympathy, because they cannot feel angry at themselves in the same way you do (if they did they would probably feel guilty, and guilt is an obstacle in relationships).

The only way to help you is to ask, "How can I help you think differently about me?" which puts them in a defensive mode, guaranteeing failure in the relationship test. Only the person experiencing the pain can avoid this conflict, by not expecting the other person (the person "at fault") to attend to their feelings.

If you need support in such a conflict, do not expect it from the person who caused you the pain. Seek the help of a third person, preferably someone who does not know the person who has caused you pain and will not take sides (such as a life coach or relationship counselor). This test should be avoided at all costs. If you cannot avoid blaming the other person for your feelings and expecting their support, the relationship gets a "fail".

Compassionate Relationship: Empathy, Sympathy and Compassion

Most people have conflicts in their relationships and fail to resolve them because they confuse between empathy, sympathy and compassion. This confusion can be caused by either person in the relationship. It can be a result of ineffective expectations or insufficient support. Regardless the reason, life, the ultimate examiner, would give a "Fail! Big time!" on this test.

Understanding the difference between the three is essential to passing the relationship test.

Empathy

Empathy is when you notice and understand the other persons' situation, experience, perspective or feelings. It does not mean you share their feelings, agree with them or have been asked to share your judgment, thoughts or ideas. It definitely does not mean you need to solve their problem.

The best way to proceed is to say, "I can see that you are very disappointed and upset", or just be a sounding board and repeat back to them what they said, "So you are sad because he was rude to you. I can understand why". Often times, people only want empathy. Someone to talk to that will understand their perspective and feelings. Empathy is a way to give support with your presence.

 

Sympathy

Sympathy is a step forward in the relationship. It is not simply understanding the other persons' perspective or feelings but feeling the same feeling yourself. It is completely adopting the other person's reaction to the problem. A person who is showing sympathy mirrors the other person's perspective and feelings, as in, "Puts himself in the other person's shoes" (note: sympathy greeting cards are in fact empathy cards, because we do not feel exactly the same as the person experiencing the pain. We can imagine how he or she feels, but in a different way).

The challenge with sympathy is that it limits your ability to help and support the other person. If your friend/sibling/partner/child feels helpless, there is no point in feeling helpless at the same time, right?

Parents and their children struggle greatly with the sympathy test. This is because parents whose children are insulted feel the insult themselves. Likewise, children who watch their parents fight, take the hard feelings on themselves and carry it around with them. In coaching, for example, the coach must avoid sympathy in order to help the client overcome and manage the overwhelming emotion. This is a skill that was challenging for me at the beginning of my special education career. But as they say, "Practice makes perfect". Sympathy is a way to help another person by being in total agreement with their perspective and feelings.

Compassion

 

Compassion derives from the Latin "patior" and the Greek "pathein", meaning to suffer, undergo or experience. It means to experience something with another person. It requires us to put ourselves in another person's shoes, immerse ourselves in his/her point of view, feel the pain as if it is ours, and yet keep the focus on the other person without being paralyzed by their feeling. Compassion is the combination of empathy and action, in the desire to help, without the hopelessness attributed to sympathy. When you are compassionate, the focus is on helping the other person to deal with his/her challenge, without judging them.

Sometimes, the offer to help is enough to pass the relationship test. Bear in mind that compassion does not mean doing for others what they cannot do themselves, or making them do what you think they should have done (which is judgment). It is more offering a helping hand to do something that goes in line with what they want to achieve.